


𝓜𝓸𝓸𝓷𝓪𝓰𝓮 𝓓𝓪𝔂𝓭𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓶

by PuddyGeeks



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, No Smut, Romance, Slow Burn, Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:20:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25190800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PuddyGeeks/pseuds/PuddyGeeks
Summary: **ON HIATUS**𝙿𝚘𝚎 𝙳𝚊𝚖𝚎𝚛𝚘𝚗 𝚠𝚊𝚜𝚗'𝚝 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚎 𝚓𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎. 𝙷𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚊 𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝. 𝙸𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚍, 𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚒𝚖𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚊 𝚘𝚏 𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚙𝚊𝚜𝚝.
Relationships: Han Solo & Original Character(s), Poe Dameron & Leia Organa, Poe Dameron/Original Character(s), Poe Dameron/Original Female Character(s), Poe Dameron/You
Comments: 10
Kudos: 13





	1. Cᴏᴠᴇʀ

**Author's Note:**

> I am a very VERY new Star Wars fan so bear with me whilst I get my head around this massive universe. I just hopped over from writing in another fandom so need a little time to acclimatise!

Cover


	2. 𝓜𝓸𝓸𝓷𝓪𝓰𝓮 𝓓𝓪𝔂𝓭𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓶

═══ ☽✧ ✦ ✧☾ ═══

A sᴛʀᴇᴇᴛ ᴋɪᴅ ᴛᴜʀɴᴇᴅ sᴛᴀʀғɪɢʜᴛᴇʀ ʀᴀᴄᴇʀ ғʀᴏᴍ Cᴏʀᴇʟʟɪᴀ, ʙᴏʀɴ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍɪᴅsᴛ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ

Gᴀʟᴀᴄᴛɪᴄ Cɪᴠɪʟ Wᴀʀ, ғɪɴᴅs ʜᴇʀ ʀᴀᴄɪɴɢ ᴄᴀʀᴇᴇʀ ᴀᴛ ᴀɴ ᴇɴᴅ. Dᴇᴛᴇʀᴍɪɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ sᴇᴇᴋ ᴏᴜᴛ

ᴀ ɴᴇᴡ ʟɪғᴇ, sʜᴇ ᴇᴍʙᴀʀᴋs ᴏɴ ᴀ sᴇʀɪᴇs ᴏғ ᴍɪsᴀᴅᴠᴇɴᴛᴜʀᴇs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄᴜʟᴍɪɴᴀᴛᴇ ɪɴ ʜᴇʀ

ғɪɴᴀʟʟʏ ᴇɴʟɪsᴛɪɴɢ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ Rᴇsɪsᴛᴀɴᴄᴇ. Sʜᴇ's sᴛᴜɴɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴅɪsᴄᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜᴇʀ ᴏʟᴅ

ʀᴀᴄɪɴɢ ɴᴇᴍᴇsɪs, Pᴏᴇ Dᴀᴍᴇʀᴏɴ, ɪs ᴀ ᴠᴀʟᴜᴇᴅ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏʀɢᴀɴɪsᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴀs

ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏɴғʀᴏɴᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀᴅᴅᴇɴɪɴɢ ᴇғғᴇᴄᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜɪs ᴄʜᴀʀᴍɪɴɢ sᴍɪʟᴇ ʜᴀs ᴏɴ ʜᴇʀ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ.

═══ ☽✧ ✦ ✧☾ ═══

**⼕闩丂** **〸**  
  


𝓜𝓸𝓻𝓮𝓷𝓪 𝓑𝓪𝓬𝓬𝓪𝓻𝓲𝓷 𝓪𝓼

Jᴀx Tᴏʀᴇʟʟᴏ

  
  
  
  
  
𝓞𝓼𝓬𝓪𝓻 𝓘𝓼𝓪𝓪𝓬𝓼 𝓪𝓼

Pᴏᴇ Dᴀᴍᴇʀᴏɴ

  
  
  
  
  
  
𝓝𝓪𝓽𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓪 𝓣𝓮𝓷𝓪/𝓧𝓲❜𝓪𝓷 𝓪𝓼

Mɪʀɪ Hᴏʀᴀᴅᴀ

  
  
  
  
  
𝓔𝓴𝓪 𝓓𝓪𝓻𝓿𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓮 𝓪𝓼

Asᴄᴇʟʟᴇɴ Cʜᴏʟ

Tʜᴇ ʀᴇsᴛ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀsᴛ ᴀs ᴛʜᴇᴍsᴇʟᴠᴇs :)

****

═══ ☽✧ ✦ ✧☾ ═══

𝓦𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼: Mᴀᴛᴜʀᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ. Lᴀɴɢᴜᴀɢᴇ, sᴇx (ʟᴀᴄᴋ ᴏғ sᴍᴜᴛ), ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴs ᴏғ ᴛᴏʀᴛᴜʀᴇ.

𝓓𝓲𝓼𝓬𝓵𝓪𝓲𝓶𝓮𝓻: I ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴏᴡɴ Sᴛᴀʀ Wᴀʀs (ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜ I ᴡɪsʜ I ᴅɪᴅ!) ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀs, ᴘʟᴏᴛs

ᴏʀ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇs ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴛʜɪs ғɪᴄ. Oɴʟʏ Jᴀx, Mɪʀɪ & Asᴄᴇʟʟᴀɴ ᴀʀᴇ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀs ᴏғ ᴍʏ ᴏᴡɴ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪᴏɴ.

𝔻𝕖𝕕𝕚𝕔𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝕥𝕠 𝕊𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕙𝕚𝕣𝕖-ℝ𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕖 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕎𝕙𝕠𝕧𝕚𝕒𝕟𝕓𝕚 𝕠𝕟 𝕋𝕦𝕞𝕓𝕝𝕣 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕓𝕖𝕥𝕒 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕞𝕖


	3. 𝙲𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝙼𝚎 𝙿𝚘𝚎

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sᴛʀᴇᴇᴛ ᴋɪᴅ ᴛᴜʀɴᴇᴅ sᴛᴀʀғɪɢʜᴛᴇʀ ʀᴀᴄᴇʀ ғʀᴏᴍ Cᴏʀᴇʟʟɪᴀ, ʙᴏʀɴ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍɪᴅsᴛ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ Gᴀʟᴀᴄᴛɪᴄ Cɪᴠɪʟ Wᴀʀ, ғɪɴᴅs ʜᴇʀ ʀᴀᴄɪɴɢ ᴄᴀʀᴇᴇʀ ᴀᴛ ᴀɴ ᴇɴᴅ. Dᴇᴛᴇʀᴍɪɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ sᴇᴇᴋ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴀ ɴᴇᴡ ʟɪғᴇ, sʜᴇ ᴇᴍʙᴀʀᴋs ᴏɴ ᴀ sᴇʀɪᴇs ᴏғ ᴍɪsᴀᴅᴠᴇɴᴛᴜʀᴇs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄᴜʟᴍɪɴᴀᴛᴇ ɪɴ ʜᴇʀ ғɪɴᴀʟʟʏ ᴇɴʟɪsᴛɪɴɢ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ Rᴇsɪsᴛᴀɴᴄᴇ. Sʜᴇ’s sᴛᴜɴɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴅɪsᴄᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜᴇʀ ᴏʟᴅ ʀᴀᴄɪɴɢ ɴᴇᴍᴇsɪs, Pᴏᴇ Dᴀᴍᴇʀᴏɴ, ɪs ᴀ ᴠᴀʟᴜᴇᴅ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏʀɢᴀɴɪsᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴀs ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏɴғʀᴏɴᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀᴅᴅᴇɴɪɴɢ ᴇғғᴇᴄᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜɪs ᴄʜᴀʀᴍɪɴɢ sᴍɪʟᴇ ʜᴀs ᴏɴ ʜᴇʀ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ.

A bead of sweat slowly ran down the back of my neck as I struggled to catch my breath in the suffocating cockpit of the starfighter. The start line loomed in front of me menacingly and I could feel a crushing pressure building from the back of my mind. I glanced at the surrounding ships with dread and although I had faced most of these competitors before, there were a few crafts that were unfamiliar to me. Years had passed whilst I prepared for this moment and now that it was reality, I found that my usual confidence was frustratingly absent.

“How you doing in there, Scrapes?” The familiar voice of my mentor crackled through my headset and I hastily adjusted my helmet so that I could respond.

“I’m great.” I spoke with an assurity that I couldn’t tell if I had forced for his benefit or mine, but regardless it was unconvincing. I sighed and allowed my voice to easily slip back into the sarcastic drawl that was natural for me. “Only facing the most important day of my life, no big deal.” I elaborated and even without his com on, I could sense him chuckling under his breath.

“Don’t put so much pressure on it kid, it won't be the last Gauntlet. This is just your first impression and if you fly like I know you can, you’ll get your name on all the right lips, no matter where you place. Get out there and show them how it’s done.” The faith that carried through his words inspired me out of my nervous funk and I shuffled in my seat as I adjusted myself into a suitable position.

“I will. Thanks Han.” I answered firmly as I ran through my pre race routine with a newfound determination. Although this was a crucial event for me, I knew in my gut that he was right to believe in me and that I was absolutely ready for this. I noticed that preparations were in full swing for countdown and took grip of the throttle as I braced myself in anticipation.

The moment that the cannon fired to announce the start of the event, I tore ahead of the cluster of racers and a surge of adrenaline filled my body as I entered the course that I had dreamed of for years. It took very little time for me to realise that this was considerably more challenging than I could have predicted and it required a constant focus to manoeuvre through it. Multiple ships collided into obstacles and exploded, causing a chain reaction that engulfed additional competitors in its chaos. I had to rely on riskier tactics that usual to remain both ahead and alive, and the concentration was a monumental strain. 

The course was so extreme that the majority of pilots were unable to compete following my lead. However, a ship that I didn’t recognise began to close in and despite my best efforts to contain it, it insistently reappeared at my side. It burst forward and knocked heavily into my fighter, clattering me around inside the cockpit.

“Han, who the hell is that?!” I growled through my headset as I swerved dramatically and weaved through a particularly tight gap to escape my competitors aggressive tactics. “I’ve never seen that ship before, but it’s gunning for me, hard!” I gasped as I strained on the throttle to lift back out of the claustrophobic tunnels that I’d trapped myself in.

“Don’t lose your cool, kid!” Han’s response was sharp and authoritative as I resorted to increasingly drastic moves. I could only imagine his expression as he watched my frenzied operations and could practically hear him cursing in my mind. “He’s flying under a different name, but I’d know those manoeuvres anywhere. That’s got to be Shara Bey’s son, Dameron. But that name doesn’t mean anything here! This is your territory.” He spoke urgently in an effort to reach through my panic and I struggled to maintain my grip on the controls with my sweaty palms.

“I can’t shake him!” I panted as I flipped upside down in a manic attempt to dodge another onslaught from Dameron and barely avoided a collision with the side of the track.

“Hey! Remember what I taught you, a good pilot doesn’t ever give up without a fight. Take a deep breath and work out what you’ve got up your sleeve that you haven’t used yet.” Han’s words echoed through my head and I followed his order to breathe slowly.

I concentrated on calming my heartbeat as I allowed Dameron to sidle up beside me again. There was little remaining of the track now and I knew that I was running out of time to impress the audience. I mentally flicked through ideas in an effort to uncover something of importance and battled to ignore the menacing presence of the ship in my peripheral vision. Without warning, a memory filled my subconscious of my only flight in the Millennium Falcon and an insane stunt that Han had made me promise to never emulate.

I switched my communications off and held my breath as I yanked on the brake to throw the X-wing into a vertical roll. A panicked yell escaped my lips as I slammed the throttle and the ship surged ahead. Dameron’s craft skidded out of the way as I twisted over the finish line in an uncanny impression of a Catherine wheel, complete with flames and sparks. I barely managed to maintain enough control to ensure that I at least crashed into the ground with my ship the correct side up. It grinded loudly along the track as I slid to a stop and I cheered in relief when it finally ceased.

The cockpit was stifling as I realised that sweat was soaking through my overalls, and I couldn’t get out of the space quickly enough. I stumbled as I clambered through the hatch and felt the top of my suit catch on something on the way, causing a large tear. I sank down the side until my feet slammed into the ground and removed the top half of the overalls. I tied them at the waist, and was grateful to feel the air on my skin around my crop top. Someone strode over to address me and so I slipped off my helmet in anticipation. I shook my head to release my ebony, curly hair that ached from the pressure and noticed that I did not recognise the handsome man who was approaching me with an enamoured expression. 

“Scrapes?” He called quizzically as he neared and I nodded back. “Well, you’re definitely...more than I expected.” He commented with a sly scan of my figure and a smile that made my heart flutter in a way that I was entirely not used to. “Congratulations.” He added with a wide grin and I couldn’t prevent myself from staring at him for a few minutes longer than necessary. He was painfully attractive; he had thick, curly hair that was scruffy from in a way that indicated he had also been wearing a helmet and dark eyes that glistened with curiosity. 

“Thanks. I’m honestly mostly just glad to be alive right now. I wasn’t entirely sure how that last move was gonna go.” I remarked with a playful shrug and his eyes widened in shock.

“Well, no wonder I wasn’t expecting it, doesn’t sound like you even knew what you were about to do. You’ve got some crazy moves, threw me off at the last second.” He drawled with a wink and I found myself analysing him with a new perspective as his words sunk in.

“Dameron?” I asked in a tone that revealed how oblivious I had been and he broke into a dazzling grin as he held his arms out in defeat. My stomach flipped with nerves as I realised that the man I’d been staring at with blatant doe eyes for the past few minutes was also my biggest competitor and I tried to shake off the embarrassment that filled the edges of my consciousness.

“Call me Poe.” He offered his hand to me in a warm gesture and I shook it reluctantly. There was a slight fizz in my stomach at our contact and inwardly I kicked myself for being so easily flattered. “So, looks like you’ll be heading onto the Five Sabers. Maybe I’ll get lucky and see you there. That’s as long as you survive those insane risks you’re taking.” He stated in a casual tone and I cocked a brow at him in interest.

“Do you have a criticism of my flying, Poe?” I enquired with a teasing tone heavily dripping from my words and I could tell that he was enjoying the effect that he had on me. I crossed my arms and tilted my head at him impatiently as he considered his answer.

“Absolutely not, I wouldn’t dare to insult the champion right after her victory!” He gasped, mocking offence with an accuracy that gave the impression that this was something he was well practiced at. “All I’m saying is that you almost lost control out there, I could see it when the nose of your ship missed impaling me by a few seconds. One day those stunts might not be so death defying. No victory is worth your life.” He advised in a manner that was calmer than I would have expected from him and I felt my brows raise involuntarily. In the corner of my eye, I noticed Han waiting behind Poe with his foot tapping impatiently and I knew that I was in trouble.

“Ah, you’re right, I did lose control.” I breathed as I laid my bait and knew he’d taken it when he nodded confidently. “I had meant to impale you, I guess my aim was just slightly off.” I clarified before I sauntered away with a satisfied bounce in my step.

***

I’d sooner die than admit to anyone that I was disappointed when Poe wasn’t at the next race. According to rumours Han had indulged with his old smuggling contacts, Poe had become quite preoccupied with his criminal work, which was a surprising revelation to me. Han even heard gossip that the leader of his crew was furious with him for participating in the Gauntlet, but there was no indication of the reliability of this information.

In the year since I’d last seen Poe, I’d gone on to win multiple events and gained quite the following under the alias of Scrapes. Although this had started as a fond nickname from Han, I was glad of the anonymity that it allowed me now that I was under such intense scrutiny from large audiences. Even though Poe’s words had played on repeat almost constantly in my mind, I hadn’t heeded his advice, nor Han’s, on taking less risks. Today I’d finally learned the price. The last unpredictable move that I’d improvised to force my way past a pilot whose skills far exceeded my own sent the X-Wing completely out of my control.

I slowly blinked my eyes open to find myself laying in bed in a strangely white room. The telltale beeping sounds of medical equipment filled the space and my senses were overwhelmed with the lingering smell of burning. I hissed in pain as I struggled to sit up through the strange inflated suit that I was encased in and I noticed the familiar figure of Han, standing with his back to me. He was staring out of a large window and I cleared my throat in an attempt to combat the feeling of ash that stuck to the back of it.

“Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be alive?” His voice was low and authoritative as he spoke without facing me and I squirmed awkwardly on the bed. 

My memory was hazy as I tried to recall the last thing that I remembered before I woke here and I was unsure exactly what I’d done to cause this. I acknowledged the extensive level of damage as every part of my body cried out in pain and I knew from the use of bacta that the injuries had been deeply serious. Han finally turned from the window and slowly strolled to the side of the bed. My relief was short lived as I met his eyes and he glared down at me with a disappointment that was so overpowering, it felt like a force of its own.

“When I told you to focus on reaching the Gauntlet, it was so you could better your life, save some money, stand on your own two feet.” He divulged as he remained standing and his towering height only continued to add to the feeling that I was being scolded. “It was not so that you could kill yourself in a blaze of pointless glory!” He exclaimed and I flinched at the aggression in his tone. “Look at you Jax, there’s hardly a part of you that isn’t broken. I’m starting to think that my time in your life hasn’t improved things for you at all.” He sighed as his hands came to rest at his hips and I peeked up at him guiltily.

“That’s not true! You’ve taught me so much and I can take care of myself now. I’m not living on the street or going hungry any more.” I defended in a weak voice that was all I could manage and he furrowed his brows.

“No, instead you’re taking crazier risks every race, chasing some acclaim that won’t bring you any happiness! It’s not worth  _ this _ .” He emphasised as he indicated to my body, then rubbed his temples in a gesture of stress. “You’re not ready for this.” He mumbled and I felt my stomach lurch in dread.

“I am ready. I just need to train harder, improve my skills so that I don’t have to-” I started to argue but he held his hand up to stop me.

“No, you’re not and I can see that now.” He insisted and I held my tongue as I could sense that he was preparing to divulge something important. “I need to go home for a while, my family needs me. I don’t know when I’ll next be on Corellia. Your ship is wrecked, it can’t be repaired and your body isn’t far behind it. Take some time out and think about your future.” He ordered as I stared back at him in disbelief. He sighed deeply and settled into a seat beside the bed, allowing his attention to drift over the ridiculous suit that was gradually repairing my damaged skin. “It’s hard to be serious with you when you look like a giant condom.” He smirked and a snort escaped my lips at his unexpected jest.

“I feel like I’m being consumed by a slime monster. It’s disgusting.” I groaned and he chuckled lightly as he shook his head at me.

“I’m glad you made it.” He confessed, with his attention focused on his hands in an effort to avoid my eyes. “I didn’t think there was any way you’d come out of that wreckage alive. In all my years of piloting, I’ve never seen anything as insane as that trick you pulled and I don’t ever want to see it again. I know these races have been important for you, but I’m begging you, find a new plan.” His gaze returned to mine as he presented his case with compassion and I sighed as I allowed his pleas to sink in. “I don’t know what else to tell you kid, you can’t keep doing this. I hope when I see you next, you’re alive and well. I don’t think I can take another scare like that.” He stated with a heavy finality in his voice. “Don’t make me lose you.” He muttered under his breath as he got to his feet. After a last glimpse at me, he strode from the room with a fond smile over his shoulder.

The next few weeks passed in a blur as I remained in the clinic and silently sulked over my losses. I knew that I had bought this on myself, but I couldn’t help feeling abandoned by Han and my temper over the injustice of the situation constantly simmered. His words rang in my mind and caused me to reflect on plans that I hadn’t considered in years. I was relieved when I was finally discharged from the clinic with an assortment of burns and various other injuries that were mostly healed from the bacta treatment, but I continued to experience lingering pains. The most harrowing was the ghost of a burn scar which stretched from my left temple across my face. I tried not to allow it to bother me and instead focused on the fact that I had survived.

I rushed through the streets en route to my home and as I stepped inside, I was immediately flooded with an appreciation that I had somewhere to return to. Hurried footsteps alerted me to the presence of my housemate and best friend Miri, and she quickly emerged to survey me with a deep concern.

“Thank the stars, you’re alright!” She breathed as she pulled me into a tight embrace and I returned the gesture. She stepped back to examine me with a sigh. “Look at your pretty face.” She mumbled as she pushed back my hair to get a full view of the developing scar and I brushed her off with a shrug.

“Hey, I’m still pretty.” I crooned and winked at her playfully. She placed her hands on her hips and fixed me with a scrutinising expression. I’d been silently scolded by Miri in this posture more times over our long friendship than I could even remember. Though I tried not to cause her more stress than necessary, I’d made quite the habit of dragging her into trouble and yet, for some reason, she still stuck around for the ride.

“I thought I told you not to do anything stupid in this race?” She probed and I shuffled awkwardly on the spot. She crossed her arms impatiently as I realised that I had no justification for my actions and I slid my hands into my pockets as my posture became guarded.

“You did and I’m sorry that I didn’t listen. You won’t have to tell me again, I won’t be joining any more races.” I confirmed, which only caused her eyes to widen and the colour to drain from her vibrant face. My attempt at reassurance had clearly inspired far more concern than I had intended as her bright blue eyes glistened with horror.

“What do you mean, you won’t be racing?” She interrogated and I could tell that she was analysing me closely for any warning signs. In all the years that we had known each other, she had always seen my life revolve around piloting and this obsession had gradually passed to her too. 

“Han’s going home, the X-wing is destroyed and my body can’t survive many more crashes.” I explained and she shook her head at the mention of Han who‘d been inconsistent for some time now, much to her irritation. “I’ve put things off for too many years. At first, it was the Gauntlet, then the Five Sabers and it was just never enough. I can’t keep using the races to avoid my past. It’s time to face it.” I revealed and Miri’s brows seemed as if they were about to shoot straight off her face.

“You can’t be serious Jax!” She gasped and I gingerly nodded in response. She threw her hands up in exasperation and paced around for a minute. Then she took a deep breath and returned to standing in front of me. “Alright, but I’m coming with you. You’ll get yourself killed otherwise.” She declared with determination and I smiled fondly at her.

“I can’t take you with me. I’ve ruined enough of your life, I can’t drag you across the galaxy. You have a plan of your own, a future here and I respect that too much to take you away from it.” I spoke calmly and when she opened her mouth to argue, I held up a hand to stop her. “I’ve made my decision, I’m doing this alone.” I insisted and she huffed as she crossed her arms at me in disapproval. “Look, if you really want to help me get started, I still need a ship. I know exactly where to get one but you’re not coming with me once we have it.” I added mysteriously with a coy smile and she groaned in anticipation.

“I feel like I’m not going to like whatever you’re about to suggest.” She spat as she rolled her eyes and I chuckled quietly. “We’re stealing a ship, aren’t we?” She probed with a reluctant tone to her voice.

“Oh, we’re stealing  _ the _ ship.” 

***

We ran through the docks as quietly as possible and I keenly followed Miri’s purple lekku that were easily identifiable even in the dark. It wasn’t the first time that we’d snuck into private property and it certainly wasn’t my first vehicle theft, but it presented an extra challenge to invade somewhere as heavily guarded as this. As I approached the target with an exhilarated smile, I stumbled over something that tripped the alarms and we were enveloped in an overpowering display of sirens and flashing lights.

“Shit!” I hissed as I glanced back at Miri with my heart hammering in my chest. We both scanned the area with fearful expressions as my mind scrambled for any suggestions to combat this unexpected issue. 

“It’s okay, I’ll deal with them. Just go!” She ordered with a fire that I hadn’t seen in her before, despite the nerves that were obvious in her eyes. I glanced reluctantly between her and my prize, and my heart felt torn in two. She had always been the voice of reason whilst I charged head first into danger and it had long since been my role to rescue us from the messes of my own creation. It felt wrong for her to suggest this and I couldn’t face the idea of abandoning her. 

“No, you’ll get killed for this! It’s my fault for going for such a high profile target, I can’t leave you to face this alone.” I argued as I stepped back toward her to take my usual role of defending her but she shocked me by pushing me away toward the ship.

“Oh please, they’d have to catch me first! I grew up with you, the craziest street urchin on Corellia, I’ve got some moves.” She defended and I found myself paralysed with indecision. I glanced at the ship again and when I returned my terrified expression to her, she crushed me into a sudden hug. “Go find that idiot brother of yours and bring him home.” She whispered, before she released me into the cool air and shoved me backwards with more force this time. “I’ll buy you as much time as I can, now get going!” She cried in a stern voice before she turned on her heel and ran toward the entrance, out of my sight.

I sprinted toward the ship that I’d come for and threw the old holdall with my modest possessions inside. I slid into the pilot seat and frantically ran through the preparations for takeoff. This craft was nicer than anything I’d ever been inside and I mentally praised myself for my excellent choice. This starcruiser was the pride of the fleet owned by my wealthiest, most arrogant competitor. It had always been a point of contention between us to know that Han had assisted in the design and construction of this ship until now, where I instead revelled in the knowledge that it could do everything I needed and more. The telltale sounds of Miri’s distractions reached me as the chaos neared and I hastily shoved my helmet on before launching off at a neck aching angle to avoid apprehension.

The speed at which I left the ground shocked even myself and I was amazed at the abilities of the craft. It was a traumatic ascent as I struggled to maintain control and due to the recklessness of my piloting I was easily able to lose my pursuers. As I broke the atmosphere and managed to emerge into a level position, I cheered in celebration. My comlink crackled to life and I was immediately relieved by the voice that bled through.

“I thought you were done with flying like a lunatic.” Miri’s disapproval was a welcome comfort and I chuckled in response.

“One last stunt for the road.” I remarked and could practically sense her annoyance, even from this distance. “You lose your tail alright?” I enquired with concern bubbling in my stomach and I listened carefully for any signs of trouble in the background of her next message.

“Of course, they didn’t even know what hit them.” She relayed and I was pleased to hear that her transmission was free from the sound of explosions or lasers. I stared down at the planet that I was born and raised on with a strange pull of sentimentality. I’d never left Corellia for anything other than racing and this felt like a turning point as I considered whether to simply return home, instead of embarking on this journey. “You’re gonna have a pretty big bounty on your head, so you’ll have to be more careful out there than I’ve ever seen you be. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do and be safe. Stay alive, Jax.”

“I’ll come back to you Miri, I promise. You be safe too.” I replied before I turned off my communications and prepared to jump to lightspeed, leaving my home behind. 


	4. 𝙶𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚜 𝙾𝚏 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙿𝚊𝚜𝚝

My feet pounded the ground as I stumbled around the corner of the damp streets in a panicked sprint. Drawing the attention of a local crime lord hadn’t been on my agenda for today, but apparently asking too many questions was unwise on Nar Shaddaa. The neon lights of the city reflected in the puddles that I narrowly avoided and I found myself struggling to navigate back to my cruiser. The city was a maze of tall buildings that towered over the tight little alleys filled with controversial establishments and backroom deals. It was challenging to differentiate one part of the city from another and I mentally scolded myself for failing to take a thorough note of my surroundings when I arrived. 

Although I’d gained some distance from the small crowd that followed, I could still hear their frenzied pursuit from behind and acknowledged that I would need to think of something fast for any chance of escape. On impulse, I swerved suddenly into an alleyway and kicked a panel on the wall to force a large shutter closed behind me. I took the opportunity to catch my breath as I leaned forward with my hands on my knees and panted loudly. A clatter behind me jolted my body in terror and I spun around to face the direction of the sound with my hands raised defensively.

“Scrapes?!” The voice that called out from the darkness at the far end of the alley was nerve-wrackingly familiar and as a figure stepped into the light, my stomach flipped with elation.

“Poe Dameron?!” I gasped at the anxiety-provoking sight of him and he gradually crept toward me with an expression of pure disbelief. He was every bit as handsome as I remembered, with his loose curly hair slightly longer than when I’d last seen him and his features only more pleasantly chiselled with maturity. Instead of the scruffy pilot overalls that he had worn on our first meeting, he was dressed casually in a way that completely suited him and I found my gaze roaming over him in appreciation. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked with a tone of annoyance that sounded disingenuous, as if he was attempting to conceal the excitement that I could easily identify in him as it mirrored my own. 

“I was looking for someone. Somehow I got mixed up with some big shot, crime lord scum. I thought if I ran he’d get bored but-” I flinched as the commotion from the other side of the shutter grew louder and it was clear that the crew that had chased me into here had been undeterred by my tactics. “-well, apparently they’re pretty determined.” I added, biting my lip guiltily as I wracked my mind for another plan. This wasn’t the first time in my investigations that I’d fallen into unexpected trouble, but until now I had always caught wind of it early enough to make myself scarce before I could be threatened by it.

“Whoever you’re looking for, it’s not worth it. You’ve got a hell of a bounty on your head to be hanging around on Nar Shaddaa!” He declared with an incredulous attitude and I began to suspect that I’d given a substantially more capable impression at our last encounter that wasn’t entirely accurate.

“Oh gee, thanks for telling me. I had no idea.” I drawled sarcastically and he rolled his eyes at me in frustration. “What are  _ you _ doing here? Hiding in an alleyway doesn’t exactly seem your style.” I enquired with my arms crossed at him. He shifted awkwardly at my question and I could tell that he was embarrassed to have been caught in this situation.

“Might’ve stepped on the territory of a rival gang...and apparently the punishment for that is bounty hunters.” He mumbled in an avoidant manner, whilst I stared at him with wide eyes.

“You have bounty hunters after you?” I breathed in a low, frightened tone and as I opened my mouth to speak again, the pounding against the shutter increased to significantly more destructive forces. “Any bright ideas on getting out of here?” I pleaded as I felt the pressure bearing down on the two of us and he ushered for me to follow him. 

“My ship’s not too far, if we cut through this block we should get to it without drawing any more attention.” He suggested as he led me to the back of the alley and paused at a control panel with it’s wires exposed. He grabbed a couple of them and forced them together, triggering a sparkling crackle from the panel and I flinched backwards. “Was working on this before you charged in.” He muttered and I couldn’t stop myself from staring at his face, enjoying the way that his features contorted when he concentrated. After a final spurt of resistance, the wall that I had assumed to be simply metal cladding parted just enough to allow one person through.

“Lead the way.” I remarked, as I allowed him to squeeze through the gap first and remained closely behind him. We marched through the streets at a pace that was hurried, but attempted to seem casual. I glanced over at Poe nervously to discover that he was strangely calm considering the circumstances and I wondered if this was a frequent occurrence for him. Poe nodded subtly at me to indicate that we were almost at our destination and we turned a corner only to be met by an explosion that threw us both backwards. “Shit! What was that?!” I groaned from the ground as I raised myself onto my elbows to look around in disorientation.

“Bounty hunter.” Poe wheezed and his eyes were wide and horror filled as he stared into the smoke. There was a shadow striding towards us and although I couldn’t make out any discernible features, I was intimidated by the figure’s large stature. Without a moment of hesitation, I reached out to grasp his arm and dragged him to his feet with me.

“Come with me! I’ll get us out of here!” I announced as I bullied him into action and was relieved to find that he followed me as I darted back in the direction that we’d come.

“Where are you going? That’s the only way to the docks!” He called from beside me and I was glad to have finally found my bearings as we careened through the busy streets in a fluster.

“Keep up, we’re not far.” I ordered as we struggled to dodge the array of obstacles that littered our path. The tell-tale sounds of a blaster firing announced the presence of the bounty hunter and Poe stumbled through a stack of boxes as he dodged their shots. I turned to pull him to his feet again and he was visibly surprised at my refusal to leave him behind. The citizens around us scrambled in panic at the conflict and the chaos allowed us to break the easy line of sight that our attacker had held until now. I dove into an inconspicuous doorway and sprinted toward my ship to throw off the sheets that I’d used to conceal it.

“An old shipping yard? You’re insane!” Poe gasped as he perceived me with fresh amazement and I hurried to get our ride ready to move. As the sounds of confrontation neared, he seemed to remember the urgency and rushed aboard with me closely behind him. I closed the ramp as Poe stood by the pilot seat with astonishment. “This is...this is Karsted’s ship, isn’t it?” He questioned, glancing over at me with wide eyes as I dropped into the pilots seat.

“No, it  _ was _ Karsted’s ship. Now it’s the ship that’s gonna save our asses.” I commented with a sly smile as I rapidly flipped switches and the ship rattled from the onslaught of an attack. “Strap in. This is gonna be rocky.” I instructed and he fell into the co-pilot seat as the buzzing of the engine confirmed my intentions.

“You can’t seriously be thinking about launching from here? There’s not enough space!” He declared, before hastily fastening his harness to secure himself in his seat at the sight of my mischievous expression. 

“You see, that attitude is exactly why I beat you in the Gauntlet.” I teased and as I stared out of the window, I took a deep breath to steel my nerves at the ridiculous feat I was about to attempt. “Here goes nothing.” I whispered and slammed the throttle with a blind faith in myself. The force of the takeoff pinned us both in our seats and I could hear Poe cursing under his breath, even over the clatter of items falling about the space. For a moment, I feared that I’d lost control again but I fought down my panic and somehow managed to keep both the ship and us in one piece. Poe sighed deeply in obvious relief and I smiled confidently at him. “So, your ship’s still down there and we need to get it back. How do you fancy seeing some real crazy piloting?” I suggested with a determined grin and he chuckled nervously.

“Oh, that’s not my ship. I stole it from the spice runners.” He confirmed with a smug smile and I couldn’t contain my impressed face. “I had a bad feeling about this drop. I wasn’t willing to risk my ship for them.” He explained with a sly expression and I nodded in understanding, intrigued by our similar attitudes.

“Well, we still need to lose our joint fanclub, so...any suggestions on a destination? Is there somewhere I can drop you off?” I enquired as I peeked over at him and he shuffled into a comfortable position in his seat. It was fascinating to witness how quickly he relaxed into the space and there was a natural feeling to his place here.

“Trying to get rid of me already, Scrapes?” He teased and I cocked a brow at him. Now that the imminent danger had passed, I was able to realise how thrilled I was to be in his company again and I felt my heartbeat speed up just slightly as I took in the sight of him aboard my ship. 

“It’s Jax.” I blurted, before I realised that my statement had made absolutely no sense and I cleared my throat awkwardly. “My name’s Jax Torello.” I revealed with my best attempt at a confident tone and he raised his brows in surprise at the gesture of trust.

“Well, it’s nice to officially meet you at last, Jax.” He spoke in an infuriatingly charming manner and I felt my heart leap into my throat. “I need to get back to Kijimi.” He confirmed and I obediently plotted our course ready for the jump to lightspeed. I was glad of the distraction as I focused on getting us there without being traced by either of the threatening forces searching for us and tried to ignore the fact that I could feel Poe watching me pilot closely. Once we had completed the jump, I hovered hesitantly over the planet in question, as I acknowledged that it was almost time for us to part ways and sighed thoughtfully.

“You’re really going to go back there? Even after all this trouble?” The words escaped my lips before I’d properly decided if it were wise to share them and Poe appeared to be caught off guard by my interest. It was clear that he struggled to decide whether to answer me honestly and I waited patiently as I began my descent.

“For now, yeah. It’s been a decent experience but...well, there’s been a lot more jobs going wrong recently. If you hadn’t been around today, I’m not sure how I’d have gotten out of that one. I’m starting to think that it might be time for a change.” He divulged and I smiled appreciatively at him. “I’ve got some loose ends to tie up here and then...well, I guess we’ll see where I end up.” He commented and I nodded in response. “How about you? Are you gonna be alright dealing with this bounty on your own?” He checked with a thinly veiled concern clear in his voice and I was thrilled to notice it.

“Oh please, even if they could catch me they wouldn’t know what to do with a girl like me.” I quipped and he chuckled as she shook his head at me. “I’ve got something that I need to finish. It doesn’t matter how many spineless idiots they send after me, I need to see this through.” I clarified and he hummed in response. We sat in a comfortable silence as I followed the docking procedures of Kijimi and as soon as the ship settled on the ground, I felt my heart sink. I knew that I would have to say goodbye now and had to admit that I had enjoyed the company after six months of solo adventures. Poe stood up and checked that he had everything, before turning back to face me with a dazzling smile.

“Thanks for your help back here. We make a pretty fiery duo.” He remarked with a playful twinkle in his eyes and I scoffed. It was the only thing I could think to do to cover how flattered I was by the comment and battled down the butterflies in my chest.

“I think you’ll find that I did most of the work actually, flyboy.” I teased and he held his hand to his chest in an exaggerated gesture of offence. He couldn’t hold it for long though and his heart-stopping smile quickly returned, much to the chagrin of my self-preservation instinct.

“You’re right, of course.” He surrendered and I shook my head at him. “Well, it’s been a wild ride. I’ll see you around.” He cheered as he sauntered toward the exit and the ramp opened to allow the fragrant local air to seep inside. He moved to leave, but paused on the spot and glanced back at me over his shoulder. “I hope you find whoever you’re looking for, Jax.” He drawled and before I could find the words to respond, he was gone.

***

Music filled the crowded space and blended in with the raucous chatter of the bar. I gripped the cup filled with some kind of alcoholic substance that I was too drunk to care to name and sat at a table alone, watching the sketchiest members of the galaxy. This locale was characterised by the common occurrences of shady deals in dark corners and brawls that resulted in the death of at least one of the patrons. I felt thoroughly drained as I slowly slumped further onto the surface and rubbed at my eyes.

Five years had passed in an endless cycle of dead end clues and the latest venture had drained the last of my resolve. Despite my best efforts, I was no closer to finding my brother than when I left Corellia and the strain of living on the run was finally catching up to me. 

I almost jumped out of my seat as someone slid into position across the table from me and I doubted the reliability of what I was seeing through the hazy vision of my bleary eyes. A wry smile confirmed my suspicions as I registered that the face before me was bitterly familiar, even with the wrinkles and signs of age that had barely started to appear when I’d seen him last.

“You know, I thought to myself, there is no way that the girl I trained and encouraged to make something of her life for years would be found dead on Tatooine, especially in a dive like this.” Han started as he fixed me with a scrutinising expression and I stared back at him in disbelief. “But here you are. It’s been a long time, kid.” He added and his eyes twinkled with fondness as they met my wide set.

“Han?! What are you doing here?!” I gasped as I continued to struggle to believe what I was seeing and I knew it hadn’t gone unnoticed that my words were heavily slurred.

“I could ask you the same thing. When I told you to find another plan, this is really not what I meant. You grew up in the slums. How the hell did you pick somewhere actually  _ worse _ to go next?!” He asked with a mixture of amusement and disappointment in his eyes and I shrugged with some substantial effort to remain in my seat.

“I was following a tip.” I answered firmly and he continued to watch me expectantly. I sighed and felt my posture dip into a shameful position as I considered how to explain myself. “There was a rumour that the man who took Naos was from Tatooine. I thought if I came here, I might be able to turn up some more information.” I divulged reluctantly and attempted to avoid his eyes so that I wouldn’t have to face the inevitable judgement that I knew waited there.

“And?” He quizzed with a baiting tone and I remained tight lipped. “That’s it? That’s what you’re working with?” He confirmed and I bit my lip as I fidgeted in my seat. Han released a deep sigh and allowed a few moments of tense silence to pass between us. “Jax, what are you doing? We’ve talked about this before. You can’t go off by yourself searching for your brother with so little information. It’s not enough.” He commented and I felt a frustration building in my chest.

“Well I had to try! You ditched me and I didn’t exactly have a huge amount of options.” I defended with a bitterness evident in my voice and Han furrowed his brows at me. 

“Bullshit. You had plenty of options! Piloting isn’t your only skill and you have a ton of contacts you could have used.” He scolded and I squirmed at the veracity of his tone. He took a moment to calm himself before speaking again. “And I didn’t  _ ditch _ you. I came back, just like I told you I would. You know what I found? Just Miri, who refused to give me anything but an earful about how I let you down.” He revealed and I couldn’t contain a small appreciative smile for my best friends’ protective nature. “You were gone, with only a bounty and a bunch of furious sponsors in your wake. I mean,  _ seriously _ , did you have to take Karsted’s ship of all people?” He added with exasperation and a smirk crept onto my lips.

“He’s a prick, it was the only justifiable choice.” I muttered and noticed the hint of a smile in the corner of his mouth that he tried to conceal.

“Yes, he is a prick, but he’s also sponsored by some of the most powerful people in racing and a friend of a dear friend.” Han attempted a lecture but his words carried an entertained lilt that was too overpowering to be taken seriously. He analysed me with a sentimental look in his eyes and I waited for his next words nervously. “You’re 24, you’re old enough to make your own decisions, but do you really want to spend any more time chasing ghosts? You’ve been out here almost 6 years and it doesn’t sound to me like you’ve gotten any closer to finding him.” He appealed to me and I scoffed under my breath. I fiddled with the cup in front of me idly as I allowed his frustratingly accurate words to sink in.

“I can’t just give up on Naos, he’s the only family I have left. I have to know why he was taken away, what happened to him.” I grumbled with my brows knitted tightly together in rebellion and Han tilted his head at me.

"Sometimes you have to know when it's time to move on from the pain and hurt, and apply yourself to something that you know you can succeed in. Naos will always be with you, in here," Han said as he tapped my forehead with a delicate touch. "And here." He placed his hand on his own heart as if to signify that he, too, knew first hand what I was going through and I began to wonder what had happened to him in our time apart. Although I understood that he was getting older, he seemed to have aged rapidly and I could recognise some signs of pain despite the calm facade that he tried to present. “And who says that he’s your last family? You have me and Miri, who I’m sure would give anything to know that you’re safe. You have people who love you that you can reach out to whenever you need. Let them be there for you, support you. The family that you have chosen can be just as important, if not more, as the family that you're born to." He spoke like a wise old man and I tried to receive his words as precious life experience, rather than a personal attack. “You haven’t seen Naos since you were a child, you don’t even know what he looks like. Find ways to keep his memory alive, but for your own sake, take a break until you can find the information you need to search."

“How do I do that? How am I supposed to just walk away? I can’t help feeling like he might need me. No one else will look for him. I can’t just abandon him.” I admitted in a low tone and acknowledged that the alcohol allowed feelings to escape that I had hidden for countless years. Han sighed thoughtfully and we sat in a heavy silence as I reflected on his advice.

“When we talked about this before, I never said that you  _ shouldn’t _ look for him, but that you couldn’t go off alone.” He started and I looked up at him keenly. “Chewie and I have been taking on jobs again, but as I’m sure you’ve noticed I’m getting old and smuggling is harder than I remember. I could do with a youngster with your skills in my crew.” He suggested and I scoffed bitterly. “You come to work for me and I’ll help you to search for Naos, weed out the useful information from the dead-ends. What do you say?” He clarified and I found that my breath hitched in my throat at his words. I glanced around at my shameful surroundings and felt a long hidden sense of purpose returning to me. I turned my attention to Han and took a deep breath.

“Alright old man, you’ve got a deal.” I stated as I held out my hand and he shook it with a slight grimace at the name.

“Welcome to the crew.” He cheered and I smiled at him warmly. It was a strange set of circumstances that led me here, but I remembered a time where I dreamt of working under someone as legendary as him with a conflicted exhilaration. “We’ll have to wait until you’re fit to fly before we can collect that ship of yours. I can return it to Karsted for you and get this bounty sorted.” He added with a wink and I cringed into my seat.

“Oh, about that…” I muttered and his eyes thinned as he viewed me. “It might have fallen victim to a drunken landing on arrival at Tatooine that caused some moderate to severe damage, or….well, it’s dead.” I stuttered with a bashful expression as he scowled at me.

“As always, Scrapes, you are a liability.” He groaned.


	5. 𝙵𝚘𝚛 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙲𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎

“Honey I’m home!” I called as I stuck my head out of the cruiser that Han and I had built from scrap and climbed out to drop down onto the docking bay. Marching through the Eravana with the confidence of a job well done, I passed through the sizable cargo ship with a comfortable familiarity. I’d discovered that being part of Han’s crew had given me a strange sense of belonging and that sometimes it’s simply the people that make somewhere a home, rather than the length of time that you spend there. 

As I entered the cockpit, I threw a neatly wrapped packet into Chewbacca’s expectant hands in a well practiced routine. “You didn’t think I’d forget, did you?” I smirked and he growled back thankfully. I opened my mouth to question the absence of our captain, when heavy footsteps from behind us announced his arrival. Han held his hands on his hips as he assessed me and I knew that he was eagerly awaiting a report.

“Well, were they happy with the donation?” He enquired with a nervous shift in posture that I quickly recognised. He was always antsy when we delivered to the Resistance and although hiding out in the ship whilst I handled the covert supply drops had been his idea, he still seemed on edge every time that I returned. 

“They were very grateful.” I confirmed and observed as he released a slow breath that I hadn’t realised he was holding. He visibly began to relax now that he knew the job was complete and I decided that it was best for me to relay my message now, rather than waiting until later when I would make him uncomfortable by bringing it up again. “General Organa sent her personal thanks. After she grilled me on how you were.” I crooned with a sly smile and Han’s face dropped at my words.

“You spoke to Leia? I thought I specifically told you to go through my contact and to keep it under the radar?” He groaned in an exasperated manner and there was a clear hurt in his voice. 

Although I hated witnessing Han even slightly upset, I also considered his avoidance of his wife a poor coping mechanism and hoped that in time I might be able to convince him to speak to her. Thanks to Chewbacca, I knew the bare basics of what had occurred with his family, but I could tell from my brief visits to the Resistance that the General missed him. Over our many years together, I’d come to care for and depend on Han, and it was a continuous drain for me to watch him floundering in smuggling, knowing in my heart that he wasn’t truly happy.

“You did, and for once I actually followed your orders exactly. You don’t seriously think the General doesn’t know that they’re from you, just because I attend in my own ship? Even you and I can’t smuggle our way past that woman, she knows all.” I drawled in a light tone in an effort to combat the growing tension in the space and he sighed deeply. His frustrated, jerky movements made it all too obvious that he was distressed by this information and a heavy silence sat between us as he continued his internal battle. The atmosphere always became awkward when we discussed anything surrounding his family and I glanced over at Chewbacca for backup. He rapidly turned away as if he hadn’t seen me and I knew that I would have to take the chance of saying what needed to be said alone, which had become a well practiced routine. 

“Look, I know it’s not really my place to comment, but why do we need to keep doing this discreetly? If she already knows who it’s coming from, why don’t we just go straight to the source and find out exactly what they need? Surely-”

“No!” Han cut me off sharply and I startled at his sudden outburst. Realising that he had been unnecessarily harsh, he calmed himself before speaking again but his tone remained firm. “We’re not involved in this fight and we’re going to keep it that way.” He ordered and I threw my arms up in exasperation at his unwillingness to compromise.

“Why are we even here then?” I grilled as I felt the bitterness of disappointment gripping my chest and attempted to remain in control of my temper. It seemed ridiculous to continue in this charade and I couldn’t understand the sense of associating with the Resistance if it was such a strenuous task for him. It seemed that he wanted to remain on the outskirts of something that was too precious to completely remove himself from, whilst his fear ensured that he never invested fully.

“We’re here because it makes good business sense. We’re smugglers, we follow where the money is and right now, the Resistance has the biggest budget in the galaxy.” He justified in a poor attempt to conceal his emotional attachment to this arrangement and I couldn’t contain a disbelieving scoff that escaped my lips.

“Good business sense?! Since when have you ever had that?” I retorted as I crossed my arms and scrutinised him with an unimpressed expression. He squirmed under my gaze as I waited for him to provide another excuse, but eventually it became clear that he didn’t intend to do so. “Are you seriously going to pretend that this is about money? We both know that we’re doing this so that you can help the Resistance and evade  _ her _ at the same time. I just don’t understand why when she so obviously  _ wants _ to talk to you. Can’t you just take a delivery yourself, use it as a way to start a conversation?” I suggested in a desperate bid to reach past his carefully placed defences but I knew from his face that he was about to shut me out again.

“You’re right, you don’t understand.” He stated in a cold tone and I stubbornly fought back the feeling of hurt that lingered at the back of my mind. Every night when I laid in bed, I wished that he would allow me to support him with his pain as he always had for me, but he was never ready to speak about it. It was a struggle not to take it personally, but I tried to remain patiently at his side. “I’m gonna finish the check on the thrusters. Be ready to get going in five.” He mumbled before he turned on his heel and stormed away. A deep disappointed sigh fell from my mouth as I settled into the pilot's seat and Chewbacca groaned loudly at me.

“Well, you weren’t going to say anything. Maybe if you weren’t so soft on him, I wouldn’t have to push him.” I defended, earning an indignant tone in his response and I furrowed my brows at the co-pilot in offence. I was relieved that the mechanic Han had introduced me to during my racing career had been a wookie, as it had allowed me to become well practiced at Shyriiwook and meant that I didn’t have to rely on Han’s biased translations. “Oh, bro-code my ass. You’re a wimp.” I grumbled, to which he promptly rotated his chair so that I was no longer in his line of sight.

***

It had been a year since I first delivered to the Resistance and each time that I saw the General our talks grew a little longer. The routine had become familiar and I found myself growing comfortable in my new role. I busied myself with unloading our latest donation until I had a gentle cough from behind that caught my attention.

“My dear girl, we really must stop meeting like this.” General Organa’s voice was warm and welcoming as she entered our drop off point and I smiled fondly at her. There was an overpowering wisdom about her that encouraged a calmer side of me when in her company and I enjoyed our brief, infrequent talks over deliveries.

“This place has really grown recently.” I stated absentmindedly as I stared through the trees at the rapidly developing base and she watched me with interest. I’d never been inclined toward a lifestyle as structured as the Resistance, nor serving under the New Republic. It all seemed dependent on far more training and commitment than had ever been in my nature, but the more time that I spent in the General’s company, the more I found myself wondering if I would ever grow to become as undoubtedly level-headed and respectable as she was.

“It certainly has. It’s truly astounding what a determined group of outstanding people can achieve.” She commented in her usually wise manner and I hummed quietly under my breath. “It’s far more impressive up close, perhaps I could give you a tour?” She offered with an alluring smile and I felt a guilty tug at my heartstrings as I thought of Han waiting in the ship for my return. I couldn’t deny the temptation of the exciting base, as it’s large airfield called out to me with it’s promise of adventure and I glanced between it and the delivery conflictingly. “Come, it won’t take long and my boys will ensure that your donation is safely transported.” She crooned as she placed a hand gently on the small of my back to guide me and I allowed her to shuffle me along without protest. I knew that Han would expect me to take a while signing over the stock anyway and so resolved to simply ensure that I was quick enough to be back around the same time as usual. 

General Organa led me into the bustling activity of the impressive base and I was pleasantly surprised by the variety of people present. There was a strong sense of purpose that was almost tangible in the air and I could feel it’s intoxicating effect washing over me as my guide cleverly presented their fleet. The assortment of craft was dizzying and although there was nothing particularly new or flashy here, I found myself feeling envious of the variety of ships that the engineers were able to work on. The General keenly studied my expressions as I gazed over the hangar with awe and she cleared her throat as she prepared to make her case.

“You know, there could be a place for you here, Jax. A young woman with your kind of skills and experience would be an incredibly valuable asset to the resistance.” She stated calmly and I peered over at her with confusion.

“No offence General, but what would you know about my experience?” I asked with a subtle defensiveness and I was taken about when she chuckled under her breath. My activities over the past seven years didn’t seem the type that would match well with a respectable military organisation like the Resistance and I could only conceive that she’d been confused by the well mannered behaviour that I’d shown in every interaction with her. Although our relationship had grown more casual over the years that I had been supplying for her, I still maintained my respect when speaking to her and couldn’t imagine that she realised how different I was when with Han.

“Oh, I know a great deal more than you would expect. My husband wasn’t the only one to keep track of you when you disappeared from Corellia. If your reputation is accurate, you are reckless, unpredictable and cunning, but according to his description you are also determined, passionate, loyal and willing to fight for your beliefs. Those qualities are invaluable.” She confirmed with a slightly mischievous twinkle in her eyes as she scrutinised me and I shuffled on the spot with embarrassment. I hadn’t ever considered that Han would discuss me with his family and I cringed as I considered the numerous foolish decisions of my past that could have been shared with her. “We don’t discriminate here. If an individual can fly, or fight, or contribute in any way and are willing to be somewhere that matters, we’ll welcome them with open arms. There are people from all walks of life here, I’m sure you could find your place.” She offered in a tantalising pitch and I sighed thoughtfully as I considered the opportunity.

“It’s a very kind offer and I really appreciate it, but I need to be getting back to my Captain.” I answered tactfully, despite the feeling of disappointment that blossomed in my chest and rather than looking disappointed, she smiled as if she had expected it.

“You truly care for him, don’t you?” She enquired, her eyes focusing in to examine me closely so that I felt I couldn’t lie, even if I had desired to do so. I nodded slowly and a genuine appreciation spread across her finely aged face. “I’m pleased, it’s a relief that he has you to monitor him. He can be deeply foolish at times.” She remarked with a far off expression and I chuckled lightly in agreement. “Should you ever tire of smuggling, my offer will always stand. And that applies to your stubborn old Captain too.” She winked for the first time that I’d ever seen and as I strode away from her to return to my ship, her words swirled in my head, leaving me with more to consider than ever before.

***

The clunky fighter ship lurched dramatically and I was thrown in my seat as I struggled to maintain my grip on the control panel. My gunner set up was extreme and difficult to control as a result of being built from a combination of mismatched parts and although I’d been trained to use it before, I’d never staked our survival on it until now. As I frantically fired upon the surrounding fleet, Han & Chewbacca attempted to manoeuvre us out of the mess that I had once again caused. It was difficult not to be overwhelmed by the onslaught of tie fighters that whizzed around us and as I felt myself beginning to crumble under the pressure, I recalled what I had just witnessed.

The bodies that littered the streets, families fleeing in terror, desperately clinging to their children, destruction on a scale that I could never imagine happening in front of me and a pit of anger bubbled from inside me. My hands squeezed around the controls tightly until my knuckles turned white and I threw myself around on the robustly rotating chair with a newfound veracity.

“They’re flanking us!” Han’s panic stricken voice rang loudly through the tight space and I focused on the cluster of ships with a frightening accuracy. For a while, the combination of my fury filled shooting and Han’s legendary piloting seemed to be making quick work of the pursuing forces, until a cruiser arrived to loom over us menacingly. I felt my stomach plummet at the sight of it and my hands began to shake. “Now we’ve got trouble! Hang on back there kid, I’m gonna get us out of here.” Han’s voice, although assertive, revealed his terror and I took a deep breath as I awaited his moves.

I could barely tell which way was up any longer as the ship rocketed through motions that I would never have dared and the force threw me around manically. For a while, I couldn’t tell what was happening, until I heard the telltale sounds of the engine warming for a jump to lightspeed and realised that Han had simply been creating enough space for us to escape. The surging sounds became overpowering as we hurtled through a dizzying display of lights and I prayed that this would be enough to lose the attackers.

I took a moment to catch my breath as we slowed to a reasonable speed, but before I could even open my mouth to question, we were thrown into another crushing journey. After multiple mind bending jumps, we finally emerged into an unfamiliar system and I felt as if my head might explode from the strain. I hesitated for a few moments to ensure that we definitely weren’t moving any time soon and then hastily removed myself from the harness to check on Han and Chewbacca. From the moment that I stepped off the ladder into their floor, Han strode toward me with a fire burning in his eyes.

“That stunt you pulled back there was stupid and reckless! We don’t tangle with the First Order for a reason, do you see that now?” He yelled and I could feel the anger radiating from him in waves. His attitude only further fueled my already frazzled temper and I stared back at him in disbelief.

“They killed all of those people Han, slaughtered them where they stood, for nothing! I couldn’t just leave them.” I defended in a disappointed tone and he scoffed bitterly. He opened his mouth to attack again but I cut him off sharply. “It was a little girl, she would’ve died! I didn’t even think before I acted and I won’t apologise for that.” I spat with a tone of disgust and I noticed that his nostrils flared with the rapidness of his breathing.

“You could have helped her without drawing attention to us. I didn’t give you a blaster to shoot StormTroopers with!” He scolded like an incensed parent and I threw my hands up in exasperation. I couldn’t believe that we were arguing about logistics over such a horrific situation. “You almost got us killed. For the hundredth time, we are not political, Jax! It’s not our fight.” He argued as he dropped from shouting to a desperate plea and I laughed darkly under my breath. The energy of the pent up emotions that I was mentally battling caused me to pace around as I spoke in an effort to maintain control of my words.

“We’re not political? I’m so sick of hearing you say that! We’ve been delivering supplies to the Resistance for 4 years, since its inception. How can you try to separate us from that?” I growled as I concentrated on controlling the flow of my thoughts and although I could tell that Han was simmering back down now, my venom was far from spent.

“We are contractors, that’s it! We’re not  _ part _ of the Resistance, we’re already separate.” He confirmed in a pedantic examination and I felt the last of my reserve finally snap at his continued agenda. This situation had been worsening between us for several years and I could no longer patiently wait for him to be ready to address it. I’d spent enough time travelling to gather the pieces around his past and discovered the full reasoning for his refusal to resolutely pick a side in the war that was brewing across the entire galaxy.

“Of course we’re not, because you’re not willing to do too much, or to actually include yourself in the organisation that opposes your son! I don’t know how you can watch all those people die and just do nothing?!” I cried with a rawness to my voice that I had never allowed to show before and I watched as a combination of hurt and fresh anger crossed Han’s face. I hadn’t meant to spurt out such a personal attack, but the strain of avoiding the topic had finally crashed over me and I could no longer control the words that fell from my lips.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” He growled in a low voice and I could feel myself being puppeted by the fury that washed over me.

“Well maybe I would if you ever told me the truth! You lay down all these rules for being a part of your crew but you don’t even follow them yourself. You change your mind like the wind. You’ve forgotten all of the smuggler guidelines and morals that you used to preach when I was a kid, you’re backstabbing people and gambling harder with every job. Chewie told me that you almost lost the Falcon twice before someone finally stole it for good! Whether you want to talk about it or not, something is clearly eating you alive and it’s making you reckless. I can’t keep following a Captain like that and ignore the suffering around me. We need to fight!” The words flowed out of me in a jumbled, emotional blur and Han’s brows furrowed together as I revealed desires that I buried from him for a long time, 

“If you’re so desperate to fight, why don’t you just go join the Resistance?!” He spat with an indignant attitude that crawled under my skin and I felt my hands shaking in resentment.

“You know what, maybe I will! General Organa has asked me to join every single time I’ve delivered over the past 4 years and I’ve always turned her down. Maybe that was a mistake” I retorted in a childish manner and he scoffed with an expression that revealed that he had long suspected this was the case.

“Go ahead, I’m not stopping you!” He stated firmly as he held out his hands in an offer and I clenched my jaw in frustration.

“Fine!” I growled with a determined tone. “I’ll pack my stuff, you know where to drop me off.” I announced as I turned on my heel to stomp off to my small lodgings in the ship. 

In a saddening similarity to when I left Corellia, my modest possessions fit into a single holdall and it took very little time for me to be ready to leave. A heavy tension filled the air as I remained sat on the bed and awaited our arrival to the Resistance. Although the decision had been made in conflict, I felt in my gut that this desire to fight had been lingering inside of me for some time. I’d heard some horrifying things during my time smuggling with Han and we’d arrived to find the aftermath of attacks before, but seeing the devastation that they caused firsthand today had lit a fire inside me.

I adjusted my clothing to ensure that I would look presentable, despite the knowledge that the General at least would be thrilled to see me, no matter what I wore. In the back of my mind, I worried that I might resemble a smuggler too much as I examined my reflection and attempted to push my curly, ebony hair into some kind of style. It fell scruffily around my jaw and there was a thick silver stripe of hair running right from my parting to the tips near my face. I’d possessed this my entire life and regardless of many attempts to cover it, it remained stubbornly visible. The slight hint of my first serious crash was still evident in the burnt section of skin on my left temple and as an adult, I’d grown fond of the battle worn look that it gave me.

I wore a black bodysuit, with open sections on the side that revealed some skin around my waist and a gap near the top. On my bottom half were some standard, tough grey trousers and I slid an old brown jacket with a fleece trim over the top to cover some of the less appropriate clothing. A thin chain hung around my neck with a simple gold circle hanging from it, which was the last treasure of my family. I stared into my large brown eyes and took a deep breath.

The ship touched down on the surface of D’Qar and I snatched up my bag before I could think twice. I marched toward the exit with a forced confidence, despite the nerves that fizzled in my stomach. As I reached the door, I paused and Han appeared at my side with a remorseful expression.

“You don’t have to go.” He muttered as he stared at the door in an effort to avoid meeting my eyes and I steeled myself to contain the tears that threatened to escape. This was the right decision for us both, I knew that in my heart but the reality of leaving my home and the troublesome pair who had become my family was more difficult than I had even anticipated.

“I know, but I think it’s time.” I replied quietly and he sighed deeply. A few moments of silence passed whilst we both remained frozen to the spot, a million unspoken words filling the empty space between us. There was a tug at the back of my mind to stay, to watch over Han and his self destructing behaviours no matter the cost but I felt the call of the Resistance louder than anything else.

“I always knew that I couldn’t keep a young fire like you away from the good fight forever. I’m just glad that you allowed me to protect you for so many years.” He admitted as he finally risked glancing over at me with a sentimental expression. 

“Are you sure it wasn’t the other way around, old man?” I teased with an emotional smile. For a moment, I was hopeful that this didn’t have to be goodbye and that he could continue protecting me, even in my new role. 

“I can’t come with you, Jax.” He added in a sombre voice and I felt my face fill with disappointment.

“Why not? Every time the General asked me to join, she told me that there was a place for you too. They could really use your experience Han, you could teach them so much.” I pleaded with desperation as I clung to our bond and he smiled at me in understanding.

“I just can’t, kid.” He stated as his voice almost broke and I nodded slowly in heartbroken acceptance. It was gut wrenching to accept that all of my years of carefully attempting to guide him back to his wife had failed, but I finally had to face that he was not able to conquer his fear. The time had come for me to acknowledge that our paths had to split and I sighed at the thought. “Besides, they won’t need me, I’ve taught you everything I know.” He remarked lightly with a proud twinkle in his eye and I forced a sad smile.

“What will you do?” I asked with concern, as I considered the disasters he could get into without my place as his voice of reason and he shrugged casually at me as if it weren’t a big deal.

“It’s a big galaxy, plenty of people I haven’t conned yet.” He jested with a familiar hint of playfulness in his voice and I felt a fond smile spread across my lips. I tried to force down the anxiety that threatened to crush my chest and reminded myself that he had been a successful smuggler for years before me. “Don’t worry, I’ll be better than I have recently, Chewie can make sure of that.” He asserted and I found that this was more reassuring than any level of trying to convince myself to trust him.

Before I could respond, Chewbecca appeared from wherever he’d been eavesdropping with a pained cry and rushed over to pull me into an embrace that almost resulted in me suffocating in his fur.

“I know Chewie, I’ll miss you too buddy.” I crooned as I extracted myself from his grip and craned my neck to glance up at him. “Looks like you’ll have to be the bad cop now, think you can handle that?” I teased, earning a dissatisfied groan.

“You be careful with the Resistance, don’t ever let them ask for too much from you and  _ don’t _ let them get you killed.” Han ordered in a stern, parental manner and I saluted him mockingly.

“Yes Captain.” I answered in a monotone voice and he rolled his eyes at my performance. “Be careful here too. And tell me when you’re ready to search again for the Falcon! I can’t stand the idea of seeing it in anyone else’s hands.” I instructed with an aggressive point at them both and Han held his hands up in surrender. I turned to press the door release and it opened to reveal the familiar sights of the base.

“If you ever need me for anything, no matter how small, you know how to reach me.” Han added with a sense of finality and I glanced back over my shoulder at him. I took one last scan of the inside of the ship that I had long considered home, before finally stepping onto the ramp to descend into my future. 


End file.
